Raptor: The non-melodious Siren

Woops. Sorry. It's been a minute...or a month...or two. So long that I had to actually check my blog to see what the hell was happening the last time I posted. Let's see...Out of shape? Flabby? Well shit hasn't changed. 

Other than the Raptor, of course. At 4 months we've got smiles and coos and kicking and a hatred of the car seat so deep you would think one of stabs her with hot pokers in the car (we don't). 
Why would you want to stare at the backseat of the car when someone could be sitting right next to you entertaining you? DANCE FOR ME MONKEYS. Except I can't because I am 5'2" and can't reach back to jingle keys at you in an SUV. Nor can I drive from the backseat. Hey Honda - get on that will ya?  

In a long list of things that are the most awfulest she hates to be in the car by herself. That's it. She's sleeping great. She eats like a champ. Overall she's a happy smiley little Raptor who charms the pants of people and acts right in a restaurant. Of course GETTING to a restaurant, or anywhere for that matter, is neither happy nor smiley. Doesn't she fall asleep, you ask? No. No she does not. For a while there the car lulled her to sleep. Raptor v. Pilot echoed the first games of the NCAA tournament - 16th seed against Number 1 seed. Raptor would fold before we left the neighborhood. Now? She gets started before I get into the front seat. 

For Easter we went to visit my sister-in-law and Raptor screamed for a full hour. She caved about 20 minutes from our final destination. Relief was sweet and pure. On the way home after not napping for shit all day she screamed the whole. way. home. One hour and twenty-five minutes of gut-wrenching, hot-poker-to-the-ears SCREAMING.

Poor Raptor. 
Poor US.

Raptor-Dad and I just turned up the radio and screamed over it and her. Like good Cubans who pay no mind to things like volume control or decency. At one point he looked at me desperately and said, She'll stop right? RIGHT?!

ME: Yes dear the wails will cease once we stop the car and take her out of her chair. THEN she will whimper piteously and look at us like we have robbed her of all that is good in this world. 

You see the action of stopping the car and removing her from her mobile prison does not make her happy. On the contrary, she pounds her little fists at you and opens her mouth up even wider to allow for MORE screaming - as if there were any left in her teeny little body.  Shockingly there remains at least 7 minutes of good heartfelt screaming before we can finally soothe her. I cheat and use the boob - what with the milk and the calming - it works. RaptorDad sings to her and bounces her up and down a bit. And then sweet relief as her eyelids begin to droop and she snuggles her head into a shoulder, covering it with tears, snot and drool. Crying is exhausting guys. Didn't you know? 

Finally we put her down in her crib for a nap or if we're lucky, for the night and open a bottle of wine and/or beer. Or three. And agree to never leave the house with this human siren ever ever again.