Let's Discuss

I know. I should post more but other than feeling like a beached whale with digestive problems I really don't have a whole lot going on preggo-wise. Basically, I will now complain. What? I haven't been complaining ENOUGH for your liking?!? Well this is you're LUCKY FUCKIN' DAY. As always these complaints are couched in the fact that they're totally first world problems and not real complaints; I couldn't be happier to be pregnant. 

Dear Paige Denim: I understand that you're considered the best of the best. I love that I found some of your jeans on Zulily at a not-ridiculous price and they are indeed quite comfy. However, may we discuss for a moment the tag at the belly seam? Hey, I get it - you want to be different and put that tag somewhere else. Like maybe I want to show off the size of my jeans and not have to show my butt crack? Or maybe one has SO MANY jeans that they have to check who exactly made these overpriced legs of denim, let's make it easy for to whip out that tag and show it off. And when you're a non-pregnant size 26 (not never ever will be me) that's cute. Oh excuse my teeny waist and rock hard abs, while I look to see who made my jeans. Oh look! It's Paige! See how adorable this insignificant pocket is next to my tag? That's just in case I want to melt my lipstick by smooshing it against my non-existent love handle. 

*Wow. That was a hell of a tangent - apologies y'all* 

My point here is - a tag on a belly seam in MATERNITY jeans is fucking dumb. We're already itchy - we're like ALL GET OUT itchy. Seams in the maternity jeans already toe the line of comfort - too high, too low - so please 'splain to me the idea of adding them to maternity jeans. 

Don't worry; I'll wait. 

Did anyone else splurge on maternity jeans and find them lacking? I mean I am all for my sassy Joe's Jeans non-preggo but dropping $200 on jeans I will just wear for a few months seems silly. Now if someone wants to purchase some for me then please by all means shop away. Maybe it's being of "Advanced Maternal Age" that makes me all cranky about it but as much as I would love to drop a cool $100 on some cardigan The Goop says is all the pregnancy rage I think getting a pedicure and lunch with a friend is a much better use of money. 

Secondly can we just discuss this? 

Oh Zulily. Zulily, Zulily, Zulily. Where do I begin? First I know many a breastfeeding mom and never have they said to me, "You know what I love to do? Put on my makeup, a jazzy necklace, sparkly earrings and a ball gown; find the closest Laundr-O-Mat and whip out my boob to feed my baby." Because CLEARLY that's what this photo is implying. I implore nay BEG those of you who look at this and think "well that's my TUESDAY!" to please call me. I think we need to discuss what the hell you are doing with your day and how I can become part of that club. 



This photo linked to a sale on maternity lingerie which is personally not my thing but I can absolutely see how women out there feel sexier thanks to the big boobs and hormonal fluctuations. I see no issue with maternity lingerie per se however I do think this picture sets women up for a completely unrealistic sense of post-natal life. And now after Googling it I see that  unrealistic expectation via media is clearly par for the course (DUH). Would you all remind me to take a picture of myself in February so we can be a bit more realistic than this utter nonsense? Because you know I will forget. And you know I am not putting on a fucking ball gown especially if they're adding some tags to the middle.