Things I Can No Longer Do! Week 15

I worked out for the first time this past weekend taking a Dance Fusion class that's kinda like Zumba without the trademark and the obligatory Betto payment. Seriously y'all Zumba's a bit of a racket but it's fun so I will allow it. 

After being hit by a mack truck of exhaustion it felt fantastic to shake my pregnant groove thang for 45 minutes and work up a good sweat. It's still a bit of a shock to look at myself in the mirror and think girl lay off the carbs or tie those suckers down before you wind up with two black eyes. The most astounding part of the entire hour though wasn't my expanding waistline or my ginormous boobage oh no ma'am; the most astounding part is how much my ability to do shit has gone to shit. 

Exhibit A: 
Side step with an under knee clap. Yes it's Jazzercise-y - whatever I am moving. 

See that sassy little arrow telling you where to clap? Fuck you sassy arrow because the only thing I get to is clapping my ACTUAL KNEE. That's right because suddenly I can't get under either knee to clap or wave or do shit because apparently my knees have a new boundary o' baby. 






Exhibit B: Touching the floor. Yeah you read that right! Touching the floor with straight knees aka forward fold. 

No I never looked like that you get the idea.
 Shut up. 

Now I rocked some yoga in the past couple years mastering all sorts of weird ass moves and OM-ing my way to Zen for 90 minutes. And as un-competitive you're supposed to be in yoga, I loved looking over and seeing that I was one of the few that could hit a forward fold. 

When the teacher asked us to bend our knees, put our hands on the floor and stand up I thought - yeah this fat girl can totally do that - whaaaaat!!! I stood up and my hands popped up off the floor like springs. Surely, I was simply not paying attention and redid the move. Nope.  It's like getting out an old favorite book and someone changed the ending without your consent. It's Eminem NEVER losing himself in the moment. It's like Beyoncé with no Oncé.  OK so that really doesn't mean anything but you get what I am saying. I just hung there all fallen over, hands on my shins thinking shit I really should have shaved and what the hell just happened here?! Why are my hamstrings broken!? I am growing a baby in my uterus not my hamstrings. 

The lesson? The ENTIRE BODY gets all involved with the uterus shenanigans. Not just the boobs to feed the mini-raptor or lady bits for the nurturing, ALL THE PARTS. (credit: AllieBrosh)
Can't wait to find out what else breaks during the upcoming months as I am sure this will become a series rather than a single post. Anyone want to start placing bets on what goes next?