My avatar and other religious things

I chose the avatar because it's funny. What isn't funny about Jesus cradling a Velociraptor? God I love the Internet.

Note: I didn't choose it because I think I am Jesus (Ahem Kanye) nor that I am Godly or a Virgin Mother or any of those Catholic idols my mother so adores. It's FUNNY. And I am pretty sure that being a pregnant person and then a mother requires you to have a sense of humor or a bottomless Valium prescription. The former is cheaper and better for my liver. 

Speaking of religion and idolatry, my Dad stepped up on his organized religion soapbox this weekend and assumed/insisted that we're going to raise the little 'raptor with some religious structure right? RIGHT?  OK well to be fair, he did ask about baptizing/christening the biscuit first. To which I responded, "Um, sure. I mean, we can." 

UTTER DISMAY.  

Look, I can't just saunter into a church and be all, "Hey here's my baby dump some water on it and read some Scripture!" I mean, I don't think I can because my Catholic upbringing was pretty much "Are you IN or are you OUT?" And we're so on the OUT side of that bargain. Although perhaps I can pay them off? Like "Here's $500 for your church or whatever dunk my kid in a pool and say a Hail Mary!" Also a product of Catholic upbringing but not completely out of the realm of possibility. 

Things REALLY got heated when the actual raising within some church/religion/Osteen-like cult came up probably because my answer was "Erm, not...really."  

Here's the question: Do I baptize/christen our 'raptor because my parents insist? It doesn't go against any belief of ours per se although the notion of a baby holding on to some sort of "Original Sin" from a fairy tale story about a snake seems a bit ridiculous and unfair. Alas, we hardly mind the baptizing/christening portion of the conversation. If my parents would like to take over that part of the dino's life than I am happy to have them do so. However, the insistence of raising a child in the church - any church - made me squeamish. I love how my parents have a foundation; a community that has brought them good friends and a sense of purposefulness they thoroughly enjoy. And who knows? We may do that one day when our litter is gone and grown. However, my Dad's dismay at not raising us with a solid church foundation felt like an attack - like somehow my brother and I are lacking of something. Don't misunderstand, I know that my father was more dismayed in his perceived shortcomings; not his children's current religious affiliations or lack thereof. 

How do you navigate those waters? Do I look for a church? Do I offer to bring the newest member of our family home (a good 2hr plane ride) so they can perform that ritual cleansing at their church - the same I was confirmed in? Do I begin randomly calling any Christian church and ask what they're going out-of-religion baptism rate is? Would it be inappropriate to ask if they hate gays? Or Velociraptors?