A Non-Announcement

WOO HOO twelve weeks! Hallelujah! And while my parents are beside themselves and my husband tears up when we walk into the doctor's office, I am feeling… perfectly fine about the whole you're-growing-life thing. 

Don't get me wrong, I am OVERJOYED and not a little nervous. But really? I feel like I am just along for the ride. So my digestive system slowed to a crawl making me look at least 5 months pregnant with bloat and poop. Maybe I pee more often that usual or instantaneously such as when I cough or even think about peeing. All the internets assure me this is normal and blah blah so I refuse to worry about it. 

Here's the thing: I am a WORRIER. No one has even doubted my long genetic history of anxiety-ridden lunatics. My grandfather, for example, walked my mom to school. Cute right? Not when she was 17 and a senior in high school. And of course, due to the advances in modern pharmaceuticals, my family now lives a life lower anxiety. I am not going to say "anxiety-fee" because that would a) be a lie and b) there are no pharmaceuticals to cancel out our genetics. Tangent aside, we're all nuts so I am not one hundred percent sure why I am riding this pregnancy wave like it ain't no big thing. 

What I am loving the most is the reaction from friends and family. With one notable exception, my nearest and dearest have hooted, hollered, cried and OMG'd me to the happiest place on Earth. My lifelong best friend showed up after a manic-filled run to Babies R Us with onesies, burp cloths, socks, pacifiers and a $50 gift card. Knowing we're not finding out the sex, it's the usual palette of whites, greens and yellows. This allows me to forgive her after poking at my right boob at the dinner table asking "Is that padding?!" I squelched the urge to ram my fist in her face after assuring her that was NOT padding and indeed my very swollen and tender breast. My family thought it was hilarious; I may offer to stick them with hot pokers so I can laugh at their pain. Aren't I adorable? 

The Hubs and I agreed keeping this all quiet in the Book of Face world. While I love the self-serving and often mock-worthy social media network, I find it unnecessary to announce the goings-on of my uterus to the "friends" I never see or speak to on a regular basis. They're just there to feed my ego about my latest profile picture and laugh at my witty repartee. Now you totally want to be my friend don't you? I can't say that I won't be posting photos of the biscuit when he/she arrives nor do I think posting photos of your children allows the world access to them but I do think there's an increasing need to live off-line. Wait do you hear it? THAT'S IRONY PEOPLE. But in all seriousness, those reading this already know me or have stumbled across this blog after a Google search term gone wrong. Sorry y'all. 

What's happening right now: 

• I forget everything and am easily distracted.
•  I have an iPad, a Nook and about 4 magazine subscriptions that just pile up. I remembered exactly zero for a flight home - even though I have all the chargers packed neatly in my carry-on. What I did remember was my computer - please note the charger stayed safely plugged in to the power strip in my living room. Solution? Bought a magazine. Gave it to my seat mate on the flight. 
• I stood in Barnes & Noble for roughly 35 minutes trying to remember if I read the eighteenth book in the Stephanie Plum series. I remember every book I have ever read in my life. My first book? Danielle Steele - Kaleidoscope. I was 10. Solution? Bought the $7 hard cover and figured out I started but never finished said book. 
• Normally I take out my iPhone and make a note to remember something. Now I take out my iPhone get distracted by something SHINY - like a text or the email bubble or the time. I fiddle for a while then put my phone away and realize that's not why I took it out but that I needed to remember something. What was that again? No clue because I have wandered off in the shiny haze of my Apple product. Hope it wasn't a birthday! Or a doctor's appointment! Solution? I bought a notebook; didn't have a pen. WELCOME TO MY WORLD.
• Peeing - Constant 
• Digestive system - On Hiatus 
• Dreams - Holy vividness Batman. Look I never want to dream in HD much less Plasma LCD dreams with anxiety and work and random Candy Crush challenges. I never win the Candy Crush ones. Or the ones where the house is on fire. But I did have one where my friend was nominated for an Emmy; I don't know if she won. 
• Night Sweats - The lower half of my body breaks out into spontaneous sweat regardless of room temperature. Hot, right? Swampy is more accurate. Thank the Jesus for Johnson's Baby Powder.